loving honestly.

let me start off by saying i have no idea why I’m starting yet another blog on the internet. maybe its because I’m bored. Maybe its because i have an incredible need for attention (middle child syndrome). Maybe its because it helps me figure things out for myself…who knows?

I recently tried to be “in a relationship” something that I’ve wanted my entire life. I have always wanted to feel loved. and my parents and friends and family all love me…but i wanted a type of love that they couldnt supply..I believe its called agape love. now in a synposis of the three times of love click this link here:


I wont go into all the different types of love because some of you probably already know what they are. i wil however talk about Agape love.

It is a love that can not be measured. It is the love that you see in movies like The Notebook, or any other Nicholas Sparks novel for that matter. It is a love that fully consumes you. A love that you can not live without. A love that many Christian find in Christ. Or Buhdist find in Budda. Now some of you are reading this and are getting offended because Im asking for a love that is “reserved for Christ” okay…do me a favor and shut the hell up. I know what I want in love so dont tell me how to feel.

Sorry for the outburst..but hey..its my blog.

Anyways back to what i was saying….I want love to consume me. I remember the first time I watched A Walk to Remember and Mandy Moore’s (which where is she now?) character opens up her mother’s bible and reads to Shane West the following passage:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” -First Corinthians 13:4-8 

Now i like to think I’ve read and understand the Bible but I guess i read it because I had to not because I wanted to know Christ. And hearing that passage in A Walk to Remember made me realize that I didn’t have that type of relationship with anyone not a love the “doesnt boast, isnt proud, and not rude or self seeking.” and as i began to think about it…ive never even seen a love like that. now..no im not going to go into heavy detail about my family life and the marriages and all that because I dont want to.

I see many people post about how happy and in love they are but honestly…i dont believe they are. I dont believe that half of the people I see getting married are in love. and I hate that for them and for me. why me? because it breaks my heart. I want everyone to find the love that they DESERVE! Not the love that is the first one to flutter its eyelashes at you or the first one to unhook your bra in the back of a pick up. 

I want everyone to love honestly. you gut tells you when you love someone. I could have made myself love Landon and eventually I would have been content. but i dont want to be content. i want to be head over heels, floating on cloud nine, flash mob proposal in love. 

you’ll know when it feels right…if you love honestly.