single girl in 2013.

This one is for the ladies!! my single sistahs!

get you a glass of wine and a blanket because i’m about to unleash the true feelings in your lonely single hearts.

I have been single most of my life. like im talking about out of the 22 years ive been on  this planet ive been single for 21 years and 11 months. And some of you are like…bull shit! but no…i’m very serious. now yes I have had men who took me on dates and ive made out with few of them but never have i said to someone that I meet. “This is my boyfriend _____”.  and in all honesty…its all i want.

now some of you are like fuck men im I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T! and ive said that to plenty of people but when  you go home at night to your one bedroom house and open that bottle of wine and play Adele and cry while watching The Notebook and eating Turtles you know that you are just saying that. (also…don’t act like im the only one who has done this).

and you cant help but think to yourself…what am i doing wrong? why wont a man fall in love with me? am i too fat? too skinny? my ass not big enough? my boobs too small? too big? can they see that i forced myself into these jeans? maybe i just don’t deserve someone right now.

 

STOP IT! JUST STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN!

Put the Ben and Jerry’s down and pause the TV and log out of of POF, OkCupid, and Twine!

I know if your like me then your 22 years old and your best friend is a gay guy that you share all your secrets with and he is the one who constantly has to tell you “you’re beautiful” “fuck men” “they don’t deserve someone as awesome as you”. and you look at them and you’re like…”yeah” but in your head you’re screaming….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQLd3ELuqtQ

people just don’t understand how difficult it is to be single. how hard it is to have so much love inside of you that you just want to give and you end up giving it to the wrong person or the man who doesn’t deserve it. and will just use you and that you will be embarrassed to be with. a man who will just take and take from you and you’re so afraid of being alone that you stay with him until you just cant stand it anymore and would rather get a root canal with no anesthesia than spend another five seconds with this man. and when you finally have the balls to end it you find yourself drunk texting him at 5:00 am asking him to “just love you”. and you wake up the next morning feeling cheap and used. I have seen this story so many time from so many different women and WE ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE.

Now onto my gays…I love you very very very much you are some of the greatest men that I have ever met and you go through so much so please remember that while I write this next part of the blog….

I literally can not handle another guy i liking turning out to be gay! i will literally drink a bottle of hydrogen peroxide if it happens to me again. I mean the first 10 times i was understanding but now im just like

image2

I have invested so much into men that act straight, look straight, seem like they like women only to be SLAPPED IN THE FACE WHEN I FIND OUT THEY ARE GAY! I’m not saying that all gay men should be forced to wear a jacket saying “im gay” but it would be nice to give us SOME KIND OF HINT! my little heart cant take much more of the “Surprise! Im gay!” I just cant do it anymore…and no i dont need any more gusbands! I have mt my quota for this lifetime.

I know that love will find us but until then know that wine isn’t going anywhere and that you will always have the internet to understand your life.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleyperez/24-things-single-people-are-tired-of-hearing

until then…remember always love honestly.

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loving honestly.

let me start off by saying i have no idea why I’m starting yet another blog on the internet. maybe its because I’m bored. Maybe its because i have an incredible need for attention (middle child syndrome). Maybe its because it helps me figure things out for myself…who knows?

I recently tried to be “in a relationship” something that I’ve wanted my entire life. I have always wanted to feel loved. and my parents and friends and family all love me…but i wanted a type of love that they couldnt supply..I believe its called agape love. now in a synposis of the three times of love click this link here:

http://theseekeroftruth.blogspot.com/2005/02/3-types-of-love.html

I wont go into all the different types of love because some of you probably already know what they are. i wil however talk about Agape love.

It is a love that can not be measured. It is the love that you see in movies like The Notebook, or any other Nicholas Sparks novel for that matter. It is a love that fully consumes you. A love that you can not live without. A love that many Christian find in Christ. Or Buhdist find in Budda. Now some of you are reading this and are getting offended because Im asking for a love that is “reserved for Christ” okay…do me a favor and shut the hell up. I know what I want in love so dont tell me how to feel.

Sorry for the outburst..but hey..its my blog.

Anyways back to what i was saying….I want love to consume me. I remember the first time I watched A Walk to Remember and Mandy Moore’s (which where is she now?) character opens up her mother’s bible and reads to Shane West the following passage:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” -First Corinthians 13:4-8 

Now i like to think I’ve read and understand the Bible but I guess i read it because I had to not because I wanted to know Christ. And hearing that passage in A Walk to Remember made me realize that I didn’t have that type of relationship with anyone not a love the “doesnt boast, isnt proud, and not rude or self seeking.” and as i began to think about it…ive never even seen a love like that. now..no im not going to go into heavy detail about my family life and the marriages and all that because I dont want to.

I see many people post about how happy and in love they are but honestly…i dont believe they are. I dont believe that half of the people I see getting married are in love. and I hate that for them and for me. why me? because it breaks my heart. I want everyone to find the love that they DESERVE! Not the love that is the first one to flutter its eyelashes at you or the first one to unhook your bra in the back of a pick up. 

I want everyone to love honestly. you gut tells you when you love someone. I could have made myself love Landon and eventually I would have been content. but i dont want to be content. i want to be head over heels, floating on cloud nine, flash mob proposal in love. 

you’ll know when it feels right…if you love honestly.