I AM SO OVER MY HEAD RIGHT NOW! I CANT PLAN MY MEALS FOR THE WEEK AND I JOINED A PROGRAM TO PLAN THEM FOR ME BUT ALL THE THINGS THEY WANT ME TO EAT I DONT WANT TO EAT BECAUSE THEY SOUND GROSS OR WOULD COST ME LIKE 30$ TO MAKE!! I JUST WANT TO BE HEALTHY BUT MCDONALDS IS LOOKING SO EASY RIGHT NOW!
I DONT WANT TO STOP THIS! I DONT WANT TO QUIT BUT I AM DROWNING IN LIST AND PLANNING AND GROCERY SHOPPING AND COOKING EVERYDAY SOMETHING!! I JUST DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO MUCH MORE OF THIS!
so as you all have noticed I recently admited to not loving myself. and once I realized that i didnt love me i was very angry at myself. i didnt want to hate who i was and worse..i didnt want to hate skinny people. I found myself overcome with jealousy towards them. why do they get to be skinny?! why do I have to hate what i look like? I felt so bad for myself and then one day something slapped me in the face. Its said “Hey! you wanna be thin fucking work for it! Get off your lazy candy eating ass and do work!”
and so here we are. anyone who knows me knows that I have a problem with sticking with something. It is very hard for me not to cheat..because it is hard for me to say no to myself. And even now that im 2 days into Paleo eating it is still hard…OH! i should probably explain Paleo living for those of you who dont know…
Paleo Living is an intense healthy eating program. Notice I didnt call it a diet..its more than that. it teaches you how to eat. it teaches you why sugar and preservatives are bad for you. it teaches you that instead of going to dunkin donuts at 7:15 AM when you have to be at work at 8:00AM and you know it takes you an hour to get to work in the morning so you have to drive like you’ve lost your mind and have AT LEAST 10 drivers flip you off all for two donuts and a vanilla chai late that is half of your calories for the day to get out the bed 15 minutes earlier than you would have and cook a BLT with Spinach leaves, eggs, bacon and avocado.
Paleo cuts out sugar and grain. Which doesnt sound like a lot but if forces me to plan and it forces me to find other sources of food. for instance I wont go get a taco salad from el ok corral because I have already prepped my dinners for the week and just have to go home and cook them. I finally feel like I can do this life style. I made a candy bar that has almonds, macadamia nuts, cocoa powder and raw honey! NO ADDED SUGAR! I have learned so much from this diet.
And i feel better. I woke up this morning happy. and I feel proud of myself for doing something good! I hope that i can stick with it! and not only be healthier but be happy and most of all
love myself honestly so that I can love someone else honestly.